One weeks sans JB Hunt. I have no income, no groceries, and according to the light in my Jetta's dashboard, no windshield wiper fluid. (For those interested, that sucker's for sale too; just needs wiper fluid and a little love) I gave away all my food and my dishes, put all my weathered particleboard furniture into a storage unit, and sold/gave away everything I had in our garage sale last weekend. My net worth in garage sale dollars? $355. And some change, I didn't really bother to count.
Garage sales are a funny concept. I've done a few with my mom before and actually made some pretty decent money. I sold a 12 year-old kid my Nintendo 64 and a couple games for about $200 a few years back and thought I'd found a wellspring of future income opportunities. WRONG. Let's look at the "bargains" I gave away this weekend:
$3 DVDs, including such timeless classics as Chicken Run and bootleg copies of the 2nd and 3rd seasons of Alias
New cable modem, $5 (which apparently is the going rate at garage sales)
Ping pong table that refuses to ping or pong or move around, $15
Gift bag of 150 assorted CDs, $5
Ugly plaid chair, $5, paid for in damp legal tender by a scary lesbian who pulled said cash out of her bra -- I am terrified to spend/touch this money
"Jesus is My Homeboy" trucker hat, $1; regaining my dignity, PRICELESS
Windows XP, $10, purchased by a man who somehow managed to buy nearly everything I had for less than 50 bucks; said gentleman tried to buy our curtains, refrigerator, dog, and the neighbor's Honda CRV; he is a Methodist minister; got stuck in our garage waiting out a rainstorm, during which I opportunistically sold him an Eddie Bauer raincoat for $1
offers on big screen TV and home theater system = 0
offers on Jason's 55 gallon fish tank = 1, made by aforementioned scary lesbian woman
offers on Jason's dog = 6, one person offering a gym membership in a barter
number of posted signs = 2, both of which fell down within 30 minutes
moment of the day = dookie-braided guy who rode off on his bike with Jason's coffee maker shouting "Jesus done made my day!"
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6 comments:
oh my gosh, gris, that is hilarious. you are a good blogger. i either want to laugh or cry when i'm hosting a garage sale. it can be quite an emotional time.
will you keep up w/ you blog in nepal? if so, i'll add you to our blogger list. let me know! Jesus done made my day, too.
ok, i'm going to assume that this blog will be used in nepal, hence the name, 'thebearinnepal'. :-) thanks for allowing me the opportunity to have my blonde moment for the day.
jordan. where is that update? i mean really...
Keep blogging man. You need to make sure you can post pictures. I speak for your readers in Saying that are going to want to see pictures of Nepal.
i'm having a pity party night...already. gah. why are you in nepal. tell me to snap out of it or something.
hope all is well.
Jordan, thanks for keeping a great blog. Looking forward to lots more. You're such a gifted writer. Keep it up!
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