Games Nepali Bears Play

I'd like to lighten the mood (given my somber closure yesterday) and offer some levity by enlightening you as to what exactly it is I do for fun here in Nepal. Ahem. Those who know me pseudo-well would be wise to refer to me as mischiveous, and that is no different in international territory, though I'm not prone to pranking houses because I don't like being chased by foaming wild mutts. Hence, here are several of the games that I've invented to primarily amuse myself since arriving here:

1. Scaring Jason: This game can take several forms, the lamest of which involve pretending I don't have the key to our room or moving something of Jason's around in order to stimulate fury at the thought of Prakash, our resident orphan packrat, rifling through Jason's possessions. A more subtle and humorous "Scare the Jason" tactic is to mention creepy things before we go to bed, involving, in no particular order: crab spiders, the girl from The Ring, Bill Engvall, Edward Loveless' chest hair, Bono in a Superman costume, and myself marrying Jason's sister, Krystal. Last night however, I discovered the most satisfying method of "Scaring the Jason." Are you ready? Sure? Ok, here goes...

Jason, as do most human beings, has to go to the bathroom regularly. Surprised? I know I was. So, one must wait until Jason, in a half-sleep stupor and clad in his mighty boxer-briefs, wanders down the hall to the restroom with his headlamp. The scarer, myself, must then hop out of bed and crawl underneath Jason's bed, pushing his guitar case as far back against the wall as possible to make room. The scarer then waits eagerly for Jason to return, still half-asleep and now surprised that his ministry partner is no longer in bed asleep. Jason will routinely look back down the hall and shine his light around, thinking that said roommate must have gone downstairs to pee or make a rice sandwich or something, and then re-enter the room, deadbolting the door for no apparent reason. The Jason will saunter back over to his bed, pausing for a moment before his conscience gets the better of him, and he kneels down to check underneath.... At which point I yell "Mehhh!" in the voice of that scary little Japanese boy from The Grudge and grab Jason's leg, leading to him mentioning once again how much he hates me.

2. The Hook Count: This one may seem irrelevant, but I enjoy it. Two weeks into our Nepal stay, I began to notice that Jason is a frequent quoter of Hook, the "What-if-Peter-Pan-grew-up-into-the-Genie-from-Alladin?" movie beloved by nearly every kid born between 1981 and 1985. So I started counting on Sunday, October 1. In two weeks, Jason has quoted Hook 12 times, not quite once a day, but pretty close to it, usually in spurts of three quotes. His favorite? "Play...play!" which I believe comes from the part where the twins on skateboards keep throwing basketballs and Robin Williams' gut. Ah, to be a child again, believing that this movie was real... By the way, is there any point in this movie when Julia Roberts is on-camera that she doesn't burst out into that "Bwa-ha-ha!" cackle of hers? Creepy...

3. The Cheap Orphan Scare: Who amongst you, oh loyal 7 readers, doesn't know what a cheap scare is? Very well then, I shall tell you. In a horror movie, when Sarah Michelle Gellar is cautiously sneaking through an abandoned Snickers factory, hiding from bad scriptwriters, and she opens a closet door, only to have a cat jump straight out at the camera (complete with loud cat "rawr" noise) for no apparent reason: that friends, is a cheap scare. The main character turning and bumping into her boyfriend, who shouts menacingly, "HEEEEEYYYYY...who wants licorice?" Also a cheap scare. You get the idea, I hope (though one wonders how all those cats keep getting locked into pantrys and airtight secret vaults...). Anyway, I enjoy hiding around corners and jumping out to scare orphans as they walk through the Welfare Centre's halls in the evenings: the sun is setting, and the interior lighting is just right, having reached a Hitchcockian dimness that just begs for a stupid American to do something absurdly mean and pointless. I am going to be a horrible father some day.

4. My Big, Fat, Nepali iPod Comercial: First off, I can no longer play this game as my iPod has given me the big iFinger and decided to leave me to myself while out of the States. I have my suspicions that foul orphan play was involved in Grizzlepod's death (Prakash again), but no evidence means this will remain an unsolved mystery. Robert Stack, where are you?!?!

Regardless, though this game is on hiatus until I find a way to get a new music device or just up and steal Jason's, it remains my favorite. And before I go any further, I though of this before Jessica Gudondo mentioned it in her blog. So no comparisions or claims of idea theft, 'kay? Ok, so, the makings of my own iPod commercial... Rather simple really...

I hop off the mini-bus in Lahgunkel and pop in my headphones, turning on a danceable song such as Josh Rouse's "Its the Nighttime," Ryan Adam's "Dance All Night," or "The Groom's Still Waiting at the Altar" by Bob Dylan. "Last Goodbye" by Jeff Buckley gets an honorable mention only because its commonplace to namedrop Buckley to sound cool these days (I'm looking at you Liv Tyler, you dirty liar...) Anyway, crank the volume on iPod nearly all the way up, and then dance like a maniac down the street between chamberpot salesmen and banana vendors, singing the lyrics at the top of your lungs. If you want to really make a scene, as I often do, you can hop up on the steps of a building, kicking your legs until a group of young women walk by, jumping down to take one by the hand and spin her around while her friends laugh (and secretly wish that the handsome, fat American had chosen them). Jason denies that any of this has happened, but I maintain that its one of the specific purposes for my often coming into Kathmandu or Patan alone. Its fun, its hilarious, and it can often be an ace in the hole when it comes to bartering for a better price with shop owners. Love me, hate me, I'm leaving my mark on this country.

5. The Brett Harkey Game: This one is relativistically simple. Though I'm currently sporting the infamous "Greenwald Chinstrap," when I wear my hair teased up in the front, I bear a striking resemblance to my favorite worship pastor. Brett and I dress similarly (mainly brown plaids I think) according to Jason, and we share that "he looks kind've chubby, but I know he isn't" physique. Or at least that what I hope we look like... Anyway, this game involves me introducing myself to people I don't want to talk to, i.e. trekking guides and kazoo salesmen, as Brett Harkey. I listen to their schpeil and then just wander away, yelling "Chris Tomlin!" at the top of my lungs. Please note that this game is in its trial stages and is subject to change. Other candidates for this game include Matthew Perry, whom I've already been mistaken for once, that guy from Third Day, and Tyler Durden.

Ru-fee-ohhhhhh!!!!!!!!!