The Weak (and time-constrained) Doxology Post

Another week, another mini-bus into Laghankel (the home of Durbar Square and my favorite internet cafe), and another belated post to this, the story of my life. For the last 5 days.

But first, a statement of faith!!!!

It's come to my attention that several of you who have read my blog have had some concerns about my consistency of faith, my cynicism, and whether or not I am in fact a Christian (oh I know you, I know you well...). May I please take this opportunity to qualm your fears and/or judgments of my character.

I am Christian, but not of the atypical American "go to church, eat my vitamins, and drive an SUV because God wants me to be a good steward of the earth's resources and consume them before He returns" archetype. I believe that man is naturally sinful and deserving of death in his judgment before God. I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, the fulfillment of the Law, and the only means of receiving salvation. I am a Calvinist, in the order of Hunter Hall ("the more people I share the gospel with, the more predestined people I meet"). I am not a sinner saved by grace; the Bible is clear that my identity is that of a priest, a saint, a child of God, a brother and friend of Christ, and the only reason that I can say these things is that God called me to Himself and by faith, I received Christ into my heart.

I am filled with the Holy Spirit, though I am not always abiding in Christ. I screw up, not necessarily everyday, but on a consistent and massive basis. I am foolish, I make rash decisions, I am brutish, hurtful, cruel, and deceitful. My flesh is evil, but it does not control me. I make terrible decisions to give into often enough in my various lusts for things other than God, but He continually calls me back to Himself. My joy has been made complete in Christ, and I treasure Him. I do not read the bible or pray nearly as often as I should, and I make many selfish decisions that have often hurt the people whom I love or have loved the most. But I have been purchased and made willing slave of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I love God, and because His law is written on my heart, I have the capacity within me to love others as He has loved me. I don't do it often enough or very well, but it's there. So...yeah.

I am a failure in many aspects of my life, in regard to what capitalism and popular culture and sexologists might have to say about me. I've spent my money and my time on stupid, selfish things. I don't live up to my word. I lie, I occasionally gamble, and I really like beer. But I am not subject to the judgment of the world, no matter how painful that judgment might be at times. I am emotional, but not led by such emotions (except when it comes to the Chicago Cubs). I hurt, I laugh, I smile, and grieve, but I do all these things in the knowledge that they are reactions, and they are beautiful because God has gifed me with them.

As for my pessimism, please recall that I've never left the United States before (though I once saw Canada over the border of Michigan), and thus, my ethno-centrism has been turned up to 11 since I came to Nepal. Culture shock, she is a painful, humorous bride, but she be mine. So please don't pick me apart as I pick apart what I see each day. It's all new to me (as I may very well be to you), and pooping in a hole in the floor is enough to turn any man's thoughts to criticisms. I'm overcoming my ignorance, but if I didn't give my thought process to you in full, I'd be a liar, wouldn't I. This is a journey; you don't get wiser about other people groups overnight unless you drink a pot of copy and memorize the encyclopedias your parents bought you when you were 12.

I'm a fool, but I please don't be confused; I love the Nepali people. They are beautiful, both physically and spiritually. Their customs are different than our own, their traffic system is insane, and their food gives me diarrhea, but they are the creation of the God I serve, and they are part of the mosaic of his character. They are graceful, intelligent, bold, funny, tender, tragic, and poor. They are crushed under the weight of poverty and a yearning to be western.

For those who think that all I am is a voice of humor broadcast throughout cyberspace, please be aware that I grieve for these people. For every homeless mother I can buy baby formula for, there are hundreds that I pass on the street and avoid sharing glances with. I passed a boy with gnarled legs and one hand that was pushing himself along in a gutter begging for change, and I gave him nothing. My heart is so hard and so broken here, I can't explain it. So many sick, wounded, hurting, dying, and separated from the God they need so badly, and I have neither the funds or the kindness within me to heal them. So share my life or delete my emails, love me or despise me, the choices are yours. I do not apologize for the voice God has given me, even if it is often more tongue-in-cheek than many are accustomed to (Paul once recommended some dissenters to permanently castrate themselves, and that still made into the New Testament).


In the meantime, please pray for us. The burden, much like the One Ring, is oh so heavy, and I often long to give it away to someone much stronger than myself. But God chooses the weak to shatter mountains and deliver the oppressed, and it is a certainty that He has chosen Jason and I to be voices in the wilderness here. The days are hard but fun, the nights are sleepless, and the food is spicy. Very spicy. I love you all, and I need you in my life. Have a Dr. Pepper with lime for me today!